Kick-in-the-Ass Awards Recipient I: Cam Newton, Carolina Panthers

By: Matthew C. Stelly

I hereby launch the “Stelly Kick-in-the-Ass-Awards,” which will be given out to the individual who, either on his own or who allows another individual, to make an ass out of him and in doing so, add yet another insult to the rapidly growing list of insults that are being heaped upon the heads of black folk. This first winner will provide an excellent example of the kind of sheepish behavior that black people put up with just to make money, get on television, get a part in a movie, land a job, or whatever the motive might be.

The first winner of the “Stelly Kick-in-the-Ass Award” is none other than Carolina Panther quarterback Cam Newton. He is one of my favorite NFL players and I like his arrogance and his style at quarterback. But as is the case in too many situations, when these athletes and divas come up against a white person, they automatically become stupid, desperate or dumbfounded. And in the name of “makin’ some money,” they allow these white people to put words in their mouths and manipulate their actions so that what they do makes the race look even more pitiful than it already is.

      Let’s look at the commercial, in its entirety (courtesy of my own viewing and an incredible website called lybio.net) and you will see what I mean.

It’s a commercial about a little white boy, who analysts naturally think is “so cute and adorable,” talking with Cam Newton about his (the white boy‘s) aspirations to play quarterback in the NFL one day. It’s ingratiating the serious of question and assumptions this white boy takes this nigga through. The commercial actually subtly perpetuates several stereotypes while at the same time implying that a black adult has to answer to and is on the same intellectual level, as a 8 or 9 year white boy. I will share the dialogue of the entire commercial and my analyses will appear afterwards. Here we go:

[Kid]

Hey Cam thanks a lot for coming to my school today.

[Cameron Jerrell Newton (born May 11, 1989)]
No problem mate.

[Kid]
I promise to exercise and eat right.

[Cam Newton]
Don’t forget 60 minutes of Play a day, right?

[Kid]
And I’ll grow up to be big and strong like you.

[Cam Newton]
Absolutely.

[Kid]
And play in the NFL?

[Cam Newton]
Yes, sir.

[Kid]
And be drafted #1

[Cam Newton] Source: LYBIO.net
Maybe?

[Kid]
And become the starting quarterback of the Panthers.

[Cam Newton]
Ok

[Kid]
You can be my back up?

[Cam Newton]
Excuse me?

[Kid]
And make Panthers fans forget about you.

[Cam Newton]
What?

[Kid]
And become your moms favorite player?

[Cam Newton]
Whoa!

[Kid] Source: LYBIO.net
I’m just loosening my arm.

GET ACTIVE. DREAM BIG.

Why respect a professional athlete who took time out of his schedule to visit your school? So just call him “Cam” rather than addressing him as “Mr. Newton.” Grown people who allow this to take place need their asses kicked as well. These kids are precocious, presumptive and disrespectful enough without ASSUMING that they’re on a first-name basis with any adult, especially one who is as accomplished as Cam Newton. Maybe he did it because he’s familiar with the Dred Scott decision of 1857: “A black man has no rights that a white man is bound to respect.” Or, evidently, a white boy, either.

So he thanks Newton who replies, “no problem mate.” Mate? What’s wrong with this nigga? Is he from Australia some place? That kid is not his mate by any definition of the word. Why does he have to define a kid that he doesn’t even know and use a term of “camaraderie” in that description. Maybe that’s why the kid doesn’t respect him: he (Newton) doesn’t command any respect. Just the fact that he’s conversing with this tyke in the first place is a waste of his time and gives a white kid – already the most spoiled child on earth – a boost in the self-worth department.

So the kid tells Cam that he promises to exercise and eat right – as if he’s doing Cam a favor. That’s good for him, but then Cam adds, “Don’t forget 60 minutes of play a day, right?” And that should be the end of it. But now comes the bullshit, the assumptions and a dialogue that, in my view, echoes back to the days when a black man couldn’t look a white man – or child – directly in the eye. Your grandparents will tell you about it.

The kid, listening to what Newton says about things that will make him (the kid) a healthier person, asks him that if he does those things will be “grow up to be big and strong like you.” Newton lies and says, “absolutely.” No, he won’t. He will grow up to be big if mother or father are big, or if he keeps eating that genetically engineered bullshit that these farmers are putting on American tables. There is no guarantee that he’ll be big and strong “like Newton.”

And furthermore, it depends on where he lives. If he lives in a place where he has to stay inside and off the streets for fear of gangs, where there are roaches and vermin all over the place infecting the environment, or where he spends all his time playing video games, and where there are no decent supermarkets to get quality food, then the fact is that he can exercise all he wants and “eat right,” but what he eats that is “right” (based on his culture) and the exercise he gets (strong thumbs from playing “Call of Duty black Ops II,” “Hitman,” “God of War,” “Dead Space 3”) will be determined by where he lives, his quality of life. Newton doesn’t know this kid or where he’s from. He’s therefore in no position to guarantee this kid a good quality of life.

The kid, believing that he’ll follow Cam’s advice and become big and strong, leaps next to seeking a guarantee that he’ll play I the NFL. Again, Cam lies and says “Yes, sir.” Why “sir”? This is a punk ass kid who should be calling HIM sir, not the other way around. Who wrote this shit? First he lies to the kid by promising he’ll play in the NFL if he exercises and eats right. Let me tell you something: there are thousands of grown men who grew up with a silver spoon in their mouth and had access to every health item and activity as a child, and grew up thinking they’d play in the NFL. That is, until they came up against some bruthas in high school and college. Oh yeah, they were the shit when their competition was suburban athletes. But when they started getting dunked on, out ran and in this case, “out tackled” by us, it was bye-bye scholarship and hello, summer leagues!

The kid doesn’t just want to play pro ball, though. He asks if he’ll be drafted number one because you see, by now, he has placed himself on Cam’s level. Cam has treated this kid as an equal and therefore this young ‘un has the right to think that he and cam are cohorts. The kid asks if he could be drafted number one because Cam was. Cam answers, “Maybe?” as if he (Newton) is afraid to tell this kid the truth. What’s wrong? Does he think this kid will kick his ass? Why not just tell him, “Well, if you do make the pros, which I doubt, you’ll be lucky to even get drafted, let alone drafted number one.” That statement, and nothing less, would be the truth and would be the motivation for this kid to work even harder.

So after degrading himself and elevating this kid to the level of pure bullshit dreaming, the kids asks if he could become the starting quarterback of the Panthers, which is, of course, Cam’s job. He wants to be Cam Newton, just like these steroid popping, performance enhancing drug taking crackers like Jim Romanowski did when he said that he took drugs so that he “could keep up with the niggers.” A South Carolina lineman named Tommy Chalkin told Sports Illustrated in `1988 that white boys were the ones using steroids so that they could “Even things out.” They have to compete against us – so how can Cam make any guarantees to this white kid?

But that’s not good enough. Not only does this punk ass kid want to have Cam’s job, he uses a “throw the dog a bone” approach by adding that he (Cam) “can be my backup,” posing it as a question. Cam is now insulted and asks, “excuse me?” But this kid has lost it by now. He has no respect for Newton, his position or the hard work he put in to get to where he’s gotten. He asks this grown man if he can “Make Panther fans forget about you.”

That wouldn’t be hard. These white fans forget about the black people that built the clubs that they now inherit. They forget about the Jefferson Street Joe Gilliams, the Marlin Briscoe’s, the Air McNairs, the Randall Cunninghams and the Warren Moons. After offering Newton a backup position and adding that the fans might forget about what Cam has done to put the lackluster Panthers on the map, Cam stands there looking like a complete asshole while the kid asks if he can “become your moms favorite player”?

In typical bitch-like fashion, these black men have an attachment to their mothers that sometimes borders on the weird. Cam is no exception, but were this an adult, I am sure that Cam would be dishing out an ass-whipping. Instead, this young child gives HIM one – verbally speaking, that is. Why would a white child want to be a black woman’s favorite player? The answer is clear: he wouldn’t. So the remark was made and intended to be insulting because the kid knows that Cam and his mother are close.

And it is only then, when the white boy talks about his “mama,” that Cam says, “Whoa!” as if to say, “don’t go there.” The commercial’s theme is “dream big,” and this kid is doing just that: at the expense of dashing Cam’s dreams.

Because Newton allowed himself to be made an ass out of so that he could get paid, and is willing to show the world that a white boy can out-talk, out-think and actually “confront” a full grown black man, he is the recipient of the first “Stelly-Kick-in-the-Ass” award.

Never fear. When it comes to black celebrities, athletes and entertainers, Newton is the rule, not the exception. Stay tuned.